Breaking news from Polit.ru. The headline: “Moscow lacks 100 public toilets.” Our response: juvenile snickering. But, unlike us, Moscow’s sanitary technicians are taking the issue very seriously. In fact— wait, Moscow has sanitary technicians?

Yes. After a thousand-year hiatus, they are apparently back and very alarmed at what they've found. According to the latest statistics, just 263 stationary toilets and 270 free-of-charge “bio-cabinets” (a euphemism for porta-potties) are available throughout Moscow. In addition, 500 reserve potties are wheeled out per diem under special circumstances, like large public events. Does that include protests?

Such toilet figures are a considerable step down from Soviet times, when Muscovites were treated to 360 public toilets, courtesy of The State. With the advent of capitalism, 1992 saw 40 percent of all public crappers come under private ownership — and most of those toilets were repurposed. Today, a new government initiative calls for toilet numbers to rise to Soviet-era levels. This must have been an embarrassing initiative to launch, considering the flashbacks. Those not familiar with Soviet public toilets should consider themselves blessed (for one thing, the central planners made no provisions for TP). Here’s the catch, though: In connection with the global economic crisis, today’s toilet rink has seen a 30 percent cut — in certain regions, even 70 percent.

The cost of building one 30-unit toilet station in Moscow is an estimated 20-30 million rubles ($550,660 – $825,990) — 10 million rubles ($275,460) just for the “box,” the rest for the oh-so-necessary-plumbing. Yes. Please, spend all the taxpayer money you need to get the plumbing right. In the meantime, Muscovites will have to make do with the pay porta-potties, which are manned by old women counting their money in the adjacent “bio-cabinets.”

В Москве не хватает около ста общественных туалетов[Polit.ru]

Photo: And we thought we’d never get to use this candid shot we captured on the Old Arbat.