The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, Russia! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

• Obscenities and unsolicited mental images buoy this tip for cutting back costs during tough economic times: Hire your wife as your personal driver. [В кризис и жена может быть водителем]

• Europe allegedly plans to freeze production of plasma screen TVs in an effort to curb global warming. Most question the credibility of the post, while others jump at the chance to talk shit about its author, and the environment in general. [научная инквизиция]

• An attractive "Energy Seed" converts disposed batteries into street lamps. An army of wet blankets claims that, in Russia, only vandals and thieves will benefit from the green eye candy. [Реинкарнация батареек]

• LiveJournalists wish a long, long life upon the author proposing an absolute cessation of government pensions. [Отмена пенсий]

• Russia's bloggers invite the heroic pilot of US Airways Flight 1549 to land on the Red Square, and predict that the now-damp, defunct Airbus A320 will be refurbished and sold to a Russian airline in no time. [Настоящий американский герой]