That at least three Russian biathletes recently tested positive for drugs isn’t really news, but damn if they weren't on DIY dope! Old. School. It’s called “Erythropoietin” (EPO), which increases red blood cell production, and is far from unheard of in performance-enhancing circles. The difference in the EPO detected in the lab work of Russia’s biathletes is that it’s “homemade, of Russian origin.” If the legit pharmaceutical stuff can wreak cardiovascular havoc on the human body, we can only imagine what the homegrown version is capable of doing — nor what a home EPO lab looks like (photos welcome!). But seriously, Russia. If you want to bring home the gold in Sochi, don’t skimp on your banned substances.

For the athletes themselves, the worst side effects may not be the subsequent infertility or premature heart failure that can result from EPO abuse, but rather having their names made public today at a press conference in Pyeongchang, South Korea. Tomorrow, the World Biathlon Championship kicks off there, and guess who probably won’t be participating? Then again, maybe the investigations committee will look kindly upon the guilty biathletes for having the balls to inject themselves with a Russian knockoff of an already potentially fatal drug. And all for the glory of their country. That’s patriotism.

У российских биатлонистов нашли допинг кустарного производства[Lenta]